"Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside."
- Dorothy Allison
Saturday, November 29, 2008
the macro and micro of sexual repression
When debating how the the suppression of women's sexuality came to pass, historians usually agree that it was most likely due to a male dominated society. That's... not such a shock. What is is that, when anthropologists study cultures where female genital mutilation is still practiced or there is a suppression of female sexuality, they find that it is usually the other women of the tribe or culture that enforce the tradition or maintain the suppression of sexuality. Why would women do that to other women?*
The feeling is that, after being a subjugated people, an acceptance and mutual enforcement begin to take place. When you have centuries of viewing either a gender, race or tribe as inferior it becomes that much harder to rise above the standard as individuals because of the psychological effects of said oppression. The self esteem and personal value of that people has been stripped away as each generation that follows, hardens that cultural identity.
It then becomes the identity of that particular group of people, and that, in turn, becomes their story, tale and a personal history. It is at the cornerstone of who they are.**
We are roughly three generations into our own cultural shift with sex . There has always been homosexuality, affairs, pre-marital sex and prostitution but those fringed on the outskirts of the accepted and established view of western sexuality.
The Catholic and Christian Church is a huge cultural identity for most of us who live in the western world (whether raised in the church or not it still permeates our culture in the form of blue laws, laws against prostitution, zoning laws against sex businesses, consensual sex crimes, abstinence only sex education and or course Prop 8); and there are many people (quite a few of whom hold office) who are asserting control, judgement and opinion to keep the shift from happening. That would be the macrocosm of sexual oppression.
Of course the times they are a changing and we now have a black president elect (who happens to be a Christian; Oh wait a minute; weren't all our presidents Christian? Why yes, all but Kennedy...who was a devout Catholic) The merging of spirituality into society as a means to keep intact one's faith while releasing the dogma is also influencing the new way in which we see the world, each other and sex.
So here is where I try to make amends with the microcosm of sexual intolerance. My own judgements about sex. I was raised Catholic and still have times where masturbation seems dirty. I still have my internal wince that happens when I hear about teenagers who have had many sexual partners or when I hear about people who cheat on their partners or people who are having an affair with someone in a relationship.
There is an inner judge within me who gets to sit on her lofty high horse and look down upon people she feels are morally inferior. That particular brand of moral opinion is, what I feel, left over from years of not being honest and willing to destroy my concept of "how it should be". I don't know what should be. I know what feels good in my moral, emotional and physical body and that is what forms my sexual preference but I came to prefer this because of years of trial and error. So who are we to try and control the way people, consensually, finesse their sexual path?
I have a friend who becomes outraged at the way men in our community go through women. She gets angry at the men and then insists that the women reject their advances and have more self respect; but isn't her anger just her own story coming out to try and control a group of consensual adults? Is she really looking out for the best interests of the women, or trying to avoid seeing something that mirrors a hurt from her past?
I have men in my life who are sexually "free" and seemingly totally cool with the idea of open relationships or "hooking up" with out attachments. Men who then astonish me in the way they talk about guys who are more prolific in their affairs, or when they see women who they feel rejected by or how the double standard comes up when a woman that they were physical with shows the same eagerness to keep it loose and move onto the next guy. It is a quick means to defend their sexual ego. What did she do that they themselves were not doing? Is it of importance that other people know which man or woman is getting it on more than he is? Why does any of that matter?
Judge, make them separate. If I can judge you then I am of enough height above you as to point my finger and, in my own way, subjectify you to an action.
The contempt we feel in regards to our society's attitudes and ignorance towards sex, sex education and sexuality might just be a reflection of our own inability to come to terms with sexuality and sexual behavior in others. I still have my egoic view of what's "good" and bad". But I have added another voice that says "who cares?"
Here's to living with abandon, loving without fear, witnessing without the labels and creating a shift in consciousness that allows the world more acceptance, freedom and equanimity.
* It may be true that men in cultures face a similar societal suppression, but due to relevance I chose the example of women's sexual suppression.
**Of course there are exceptions like the woman's suffrage movement and the civil rights movements of America.
The feeling is that, after being a subjugated people, an acceptance and mutual enforcement begin to take place. When you have centuries of viewing either a gender, race or tribe as inferior it becomes that much harder to rise above the standard as individuals because of the psychological effects of said oppression. The self esteem and personal value of that people has been stripped away as each generation that follows, hardens that cultural identity.
It then becomes the identity of that particular group of people, and that, in turn, becomes their story, tale and a personal history. It is at the cornerstone of who they are.**
We are roughly three generations into our own cultural shift with sex . There has always been homosexuality, affairs, pre-marital sex and prostitution but those fringed on the outskirts of the accepted and established view of western sexuality.
The Catholic and Christian Church is a huge cultural identity for most of us who live in the western world (whether raised in the church or not it still permeates our culture in the form of blue laws, laws against prostitution, zoning laws against sex businesses, consensual sex crimes, abstinence only sex education and or course Prop 8); and there are many people (quite a few of whom hold office) who are asserting control, judgement and opinion to keep the shift from happening. That would be the macrocosm of sexual oppression.
Of course the times they are a changing and we now have a black president elect (who happens to be a Christian; Oh wait a minute; weren't all our presidents Christian? Why yes, all but Kennedy...who was a devout Catholic) The merging of spirituality into society as a means to keep intact one's faith while releasing the dogma is also influencing the new way in which we see the world, each other and sex.
So here is where I try to make amends with the microcosm of sexual intolerance. My own judgements about sex. I was raised Catholic and still have times where masturbation seems dirty. I still have my internal wince that happens when I hear about teenagers who have had many sexual partners or when I hear about people who cheat on their partners or people who are having an affair with someone in a relationship.
There is an inner judge within me who gets to sit on her lofty high horse and look down upon people she feels are morally inferior. That particular brand of moral opinion is, what I feel, left over from years of not being honest and willing to destroy my concept of "how it should be". I don't know what should be. I know what feels good in my moral, emotional and physical body and that is what forms my sexual preference but I came to prefer this because of years of trial and error. So who are we to try and control the way people, consensually, finesse their sexual path?
I have a friend who becomes outraged at the way men in our community go through women. She gets angry at the men and then insists that the women reject their advances and have more self respect; but isn't her anger just her own story coming out to try and control a group of consensual adults? Is she really looking out for the best interests of the women, or trying to avoid seeing something that mirrors a hurt from her past?
I have men in my life who are sexually "free" and seemingly totally cool with the idea of open relationships or "hooking up" with out attachments. Men who then astonish me in the way they talk about guys who are more prolific in their affairs, or when they see women who they feel rejected by or how the double standard comes up when a woman that they were physical with shows the same eagerness to keep it loose and move onto the next guy. It is a quick means to defend their sexual ego. What did she do that they themselves were not doing? Is it of importance that other people know which man or woman is getting it on more than he is? Why does any of that matter?
Judge, make them separate. If I can judge you then I am of enough height above you as to point my finger and, in my own way, subjectify you to an action.
The contempt we feel in regards to our society's attitudes and ignorance towards sex, sex education and sexuality might just be a reflection of our own inability to come to terms with sexuality and sexual behavior in others. I still have my egoic view of what's "good" and bad". But I have added another voice that says "who cares?"
Here's to living with abandon, loving without fear, witnessing without the labels and creating a shift in consciousness that allows the world more acceptance, freedom and equanimity.
* It may be true that men in cultures face a similar societal suppression, but due to relevance I chose the example of women's sexual suppression.
**Of course there are exceptions like the woman's suffrage movement and the civil rights movements of America.
Friday, November 28, 2008
quote of the day
"Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression."
-Faye Wattleton
-Faye Wattleton
before you burn all those calories off with sex....
I trust that some may have eaten two to three times their normal intake at last night's dinner. The food hangover is a rough one. Bloating, sluggishness. sounds sexy.
So in honor of over indulgence I thought I'd write about what happens to the brain when you over indulge in sex. It's a lot prettier than indigestion.
We all have our pleasure spots unique to us. The places on our body where, when touched, rubbed or licked send the euphoric waves of orgasm coursing through our system. However, we can all unite in the erogenous zone between the ears.
Ah yes, the beautiful and sexy amydala, located in the limbic system, otherwise known as our mammalian brain. This region of the brain has been keeping us alive by using neurochemicals that give us the primal desire to eat, drink, feel, love, fight and have sex. Sandwiched in between our nice, big rational neo-cortex and the more basic survival region, the central core, the limbic system is where our pleasure neurochemicals are released.
The way it works is to give us a rush of the chemical dopamine which goes off like a reward to your body; as in "yay! you found food have some dope" or "yay! you had sex here's some more dope!", kinda like when you cleaned your room or did household chores around the house for a couple of dollars. It is because of this, the dopamine pleasure pay off, that our urges seem out of control at times. The addictive part of you that "has to have it", yup that would be your limbic talking.
The amygdala, much like any paying job, doesn't hand out the same amount of dopamine for any menial task. You get a certain amount for imbibing water, eating certain foods and feeling certain emotions. Chocolate cake rewards one with more dopamine than a fresh salad because it contains more calories and your mammalian brain is still looking to survive, not knowing that, not only have we survived but we've been so good at survival that we now have type2 diabetes!
Again this is why we have a rational neo cortex to keep that wayward mammal in check.
Wasn't i going to talk about orgasms?
Orgasms are the biggest shot of Dopamine available to us (legally that is ). After a study done on brain scanning during orgasm it was found that the brain resembled that of a brain during a heroin rush, and like any heroin addict knows, that high has an equal low.
Your body must find it's homeostasis and that means a reduction of dopamine and a post coital hangover. You may notice a subtle difference in mood or in desire or presence.
You know the societal thought that men just want to sleep after sex? well, in part it's true. The depletion of dopamine right after orgasm is also a depletion in interest and it facilitates the surge of a peptide hormone called Prolcatin. Evidence shows that prolactin acts as a stress hormone like fight or flight as well as the type of stress that goes along with feeling defeated, despair or like giving up. It surges faster in men and in a more time release fashion in women, but it can come and go for up to 2 weeks for both sexes.
Because when one is up the other is down an equivalent mood manifests. The up and down roller coaster of satiating a desire and suffering it's hangover can be attributed to some other aspects of relationships like anxiety, depression and mood swings as well as loss of libido. One partner can be needy while the other removed. It can also encourage addiction to get the body back into a dopamine high.
One way of identifying the high/low affects is by abstaining for orgasm for a few weeks and recording the difference, if any, or stasis in your mood; then achieve orgasm and follow that for 2 weeks. Notice if you have a shift. Have you found more reasons to argue in your relationship? do you feel more morose or removed? I figure I'll give it a try to see where in the midst of the margin, i lay (This experiment will start next week however as I am going to visit my love this weekend). I'll write about what, if anything, I find.
Happy digestion and enjoy your black Friday!
**I feel that chemical imbalance is a catch phrase that we are all too eager to take a pill for, but I research sex and not mood disorders. Having said that, it is not uncommon for people to have too much of one and too little of another as far as their chemical make up goes. This article is meant to add some entertainment and information and not diagnose or instill fear.
***There are many minerals and vitamins available that can help replenish the brain's happy chemicals and you can find a table of contents on wikipedia. -Search for vitamin and mineral deficiency and you'll see each one's table
So in honor of over indulgence I thought I'd write about what happens to the brain when you over indulge in sex. It's a lot prettier than indigestion.
We all have our pleasure spots unique to us. The places on our body where, when touched, rubbed or licked send the euphoric waves of orgasm coursing through our system. However, we can all unite in the erogenous zone between the ears.
Ah yes, the beautiful and sexy amydala, located in the limbic system, otherwise known as our mammalian brain. This region of the brain has been keeping us alive by using neurochemicals that give us the primal desire to eat, drink, feel, love, fight and have sex. Sandwiched in between our nice, big rational neo-cortex and the more basic survival region, the central core, the limbic system is where our pleasure neurochemicals are released.
The way it works is to give us a rush of the chemical dopamine which goes off like a reward to your body; as in "yay! you found food have some dope" or "yay! you had sex here's some more dope!", kinda like when you cleaned your room or did household chores around the house for a couple of dollars. It is because of this, the dopamine pleasure pay off, that our urges seem out of control at times. The addictive part of you that "has to have it", yup that would be your limbic talking.
The amygdala, much like any paying job, doesn't hand out the same amount of dopamine for any menial task. You get a certain amount for imbibing water, eating certain foods and feeling certain emotions. Chocolate cake rewards one with more dopamine than a fresh salad because it contains more calories and your mammalian brain is still looking to survive, not knowing that, not only have we survived but we've been so good at survival that we now have type2 diabetes!
Again this is why we have a rational neo cortex to keep that wayward mammal in check.
Wasn't i going to talk about orgasms?
Orgasms are the biggest shot of Dopamine available to us (legally that is ). After a study done on brain scanning during orgasm it was found that the brain resembled that of a brain during a heroin rush, and like any heroin addict knows, that high has an equal low.
Your body must find it's homeostasis and that means a reduction of dopamine and a post coital hangover. You may notice a subtle difference in mood or in desire or presence.
You know the societal thought that men just want to sleep after sex? well, in part it's true. The depletion of dopamine right after orgasm is also a depletion in interest and it facilitates the surge of a peptide hormone called Prolcatin. Evidence shows that prolactin acts as a stress hormone like fight or flight as well as the type of stress that goes along with feeling defeated, despair or like giving up. It surges faster in men and in a more time release fashion in women, but it can come and go for up to 2 weeks for both sexes.
Because when one is up the other is down an equivalent mood manifests. The up and down roller coaster of satiating a desire and suffering it's hangover can be attributed to some other aspects of relationships like anxiety, depression and mood swings as well as loss of libido. One partner can be needy while the other removed. It can also encourage addiction to get the body back into a dopamine high.
One way of identifying the high/low affects is by abstaining for orgasm for a few weeks and recording the difference, if any, or stasis in your mood; then achieve orgasm and follow that for 2 weeks. Notice if you have a shift. Have you found more reasons to argue in your relationship? do you feel more morose or removed? I figure I'll give it a try to see where in the midst of the margin, i lay (This experiment will start next week however as I am going to visit my love this weekend). I'll write about what, if anything, I find.
Happy digestion and enjoy your black Friday!
**I feel that chemical imbalance is a catch phrase that we are all too eager to take a pill for, but I research sex and not mood disorders. Having said that, it is not uncommon for people to have too much of one and too little of another as far as their chemical make up goes. This article is meant to add some entertainment and information and not diagnose or instill fear.
***There are many minerals and vitamins available that can help replenish the brain's happy chemicals and you can find a table of contents on wikipedia. -Search for vitamin and mineral deficiency and you'll see each one's table
Thursday, November 27, 2008
quote of the day
"It is easy to be glib about Zen- i'll just keep my mouth shut
And rely on love play all day long"
-Zen Monk, Ikkyu Sojun
And rely on love play all day long"
-Zen Monk, Ikkyu Sojun
novelty/intimacy: can you add spice without a fling?
The beginning of a relationship is just spectacular. You make love 3 times a day, you can't stop thinking about each other and everything your new and shiny partner does is just the cutest thing ever. God, how did life's luck pour so heavy handed onto your lap?
Fast forward a month or two or a year or two, depending on whether or not you have decided to cohabitate immediately or if you have been living on opposite sides of the world.
This person who was so alive and captivating has now become another extension of you. It's not that they are any less attractive or intelligent, why, you might find that they have become your best friend and partner for life; but there is something missing, that spark, that passion, that desire to uncover every inch of that person and find out what's underneath.
Too bad you already did. And now you have metabolized that mystery and you may feel like you need another authentic taste of novelty, difference or variety, with or perhaps without your partner.
I have this theory that it isn't the relationship that gets boring, it's the people that get boring.
Studies show that couples who go on vacation report more sex, less arguing and more enjoyment of each other and the relationship during and for the month proceeding the trip. When your mind is experiencing something new the level of presence is heightened. You have yet to categorize the moment into the container of your life as you know it. Going somewhere new together is like a dose of pure presence that inherently might make the both of you feel a bit more vital.
The same is true for flirting. There is a new attractive man or woman. They are unique to you. All that they say or do is heightening your level of awareness. It fills you with a rush and perhaps you find yourself looking forward to seeing them.
these are the drug of novelty. It does not sustain itself but replenishes with each encounter of the new.
Intimacy is great. You may not have sex as often but you have witnessed each other cry, explode, achieve and for the most part accept each other for who you are. you are co creating a relationship and hopefully maintaining a manifestation of each others dreams. So what happens when the need for novelty becomes juxtaposed with the intimacy?
Back to people getting boring.
If we were an exciting people we probably wouldn't have so much stuff, nor would we have so much television or video games. Rather than looking at the new item we can consume or person we can explore why not look within and do something new for yourself? Read a book on bird watching, take tango lessons, learn a new language, judo, horseback riding, painting, piano, yoga. What about meditating, sky diving, scuba diving, and everything else in between. Better yet, embark on this un-traversed territory with your partner. If it's just a little spice your after try getting a book on sex. Try out some kinky stuff. Master and slave. Or maybe you just need a sexual nudge like tantra practices or eye locking and breath exchanging.
There is no need to limit yourself and if you find that your path is one that includes satiating it's desire for sexual exploration through new lovers, then by all means, be safe and enjoy your journey!
For others the desire for remaining in a monogamous union might fare well with self discovery and new skills. Just check in. Are you present, accountable and being authentic to yourself and the situation. Chances are if you answer yes to all of those whatever it is is right for you.
Fast forward a month or two or a year or two, depending on whether or not you have decided to cohabitate immediately or if you have been living on opposite sides of the world.
This person who was so alive and captivating has now become another extension of you. It's not that they are any less attractive or intelligent, why, you might find that they have become your best friend and partner for life; but there is something missing, that spark, that passion, that desire to uncover every inch of that person and find out what's underneath.
Too bad you already did. And now you have metabolized that mystery and you may feel like you need another authentic taste of novelty, difference or variety, with or perhaps without your partner.
I have this theory that it isn't the relationship that gets boring, it's the people that get boring.
Studies show that couples who go on vacation report more sex, less arguing and more enjoyment of each other and the relationship during and for the month proceeding the trip. When your mind is experiencing something new the level of presence is heightened. You have yet to categorize the moment into the container of your life as you know it. Going somewhere new together is like a dose of pure presence that inherently might make the both of you feel a bit more vital.
The same is true for flirting. There is a new attractive man or woman. They are unique to you. All that they say or do is heightening your level of awareness. It fills you with a rush and perhaps you find yourself looking forward to seeing them.
these are the drug of novelty. It does not sustain itself but replenishes with each encounter of the new.
Intimacy is great. You may not have sex as often but you have witnessed each other cry, explode, achieve and for the most part accept each other for who you are. you are co creating a relationship and hopefully maintaining a manifestation of each others dreams. So what happens when the need for novelty becomes juxtaposed with the intimacy?
Back to people getting boring.
If we were an exciting people we probably wouldn't have so much stuff, nor would we have so much television or video games. Rather than looking at the new item we can consume or person we can explore why not look within and do something new for yourself? Read a book on bird watching, take tango lessons, learn a new language, judo, horseback riding, painting, piano, yoga. What about meditating, sky diving, scuba diving, and everything else in between. Better yet, embark on this un-traversed territory with your partner. If it's just a little spice your after try getting a book on sex. Try out some kinky stuff. Master and slave. Or maybe you just need a sexual nudge like tantra practices or eye locking and breath exchanging.
There is no need to limit yourself and if you find that your path is one that includes satiating it's desire for sexual exploration through new lovers, then by all means, be safe and enjoy your journey!
For others the desire for remaining in a monogamous union might fare well with self discovery and new skills. Just check in. Are you present, accountable and being authentic to yourself and the situation. Chances are if you answer yes to all of those whatever it is is right for you.
a peek into pilgrim sex
A 2 page article on the sexual lives, deviancy and admonishments from our favorite buckle branded turkey lovers.
http://http//www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15754563/
Enjoy!
http://http//www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15754563/
Enjoy!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
A glimpse into the real houswives of ancient greece
Ah, Athens. Home of the Parthenon, Socrates, the prototype for inappropriate behavior between trusted males and young boys and sexually frustrated housewives.
Seen as irrational, oversexed and morally defective, women in Athens had limited ability for sexual, intellectual and cultural expansion. The three more common roles for women were wife, Hetairai, meaning a servant for Aphrodite, and the Courtesan.
Some things you could look forward to as an Athenian wife were no physical attention from your husband outside of procreating, a lack of any education, not being allowed to have supper with their husbands, not being allowed outside the house save for exceptions like going to the Agora or marketplace.
Meanwhile if you were a heraitai you were not only educated but privy to political conversation and influence, free to go outside, free to own property, allowed to sit with men at the table and paid for sex. Courtesans were the happy medium; you were paid for your craft but not as highly regarded, educated or influential as a heraitai. Pretty much being a wife was a good way to ensure never having to do homework or put out.*
Bit of an imbalance if you ask me.
The only male attention, relationship and affection most of these women ever experienced was from their sons which, some historians say is where the stereotyping of Mediterranean men as "mamma's boys" comes from.
As a wife your were to be chaste, level headed, adroit at spinning, weaving and tailoring, able to oversee house hold task and be thrifty. You were also expected to "lie" with your husband at least 3 times a month to produce an heir. Romantic.
Because most historic accounts chronicle the lives of the wealthy, one hopes that the lower class wives may have had more equanimity and, goddess willing, more coitus.
*Wives did have some sexual outlet. They got to masturbate. A lot. As a matter of fact the Asia minor coastal city, Miletas, was the manufacturer and exporter of the oliosbos, or dildos, as they are so lumpishly called today, and the Athenian women were the target market. The common treat for the erotic and acquiescent was either a wooden or padded leather penile substitute, sold separately was the olive oil lubricant to wield one of those bad boys.
Seen as irrational, oversexed and morally defective, women in Athens had limited ability for sexual, intellectual and cultural expansion. The three more common roles for women were wife, Hetairai, meaning a servant for Aphrodite, and the Courtesan.
Some things you could look forward to as an Athenian wife were no physical attention from your husband outside of procreating, a lack of any education, not being allowed to have supper with their husbands, not being allowed outside the house save for exceptions like going to the Agora or marketplace.
Meanwhile if you were a heraitai you were not only educated but privy to political conversation and influence, free to go outside, free to own property, allowed to sit with men at the table and paid for sex. Courtesans were the happy medium; you were paid for your craft but not as highly regarded, educated or influential as a heraitai. Pretty much being a wife was a good way to ensure never having to do homework or put out.*
Bit of an imbalance if you ask me.
The only male attention, relationship and affection most of these women ever experienced was from their sons which, some historians say is where the stereotyping of Mediterranean men as "mamma's boys" comes from.
As a wife your were to be chaste, level headed, adroit at spinning, weaving and tailoring, able to oversee house hold task and be thrifty. You were also expected to "lie" with your husband at least 3 times a month to produce an heir. Romantic.
Because most historic accounts chronicle the lives of the wealthy, one hopes that the lower class wives may have had more equanimity and, goddess willing, more coitus.
*Wives did have some sexual outlet. They got to masturbate. A lot. As a matter of fact the Asia minor coastal city, Miletas, was the manufacturer and exporter of the oliosbos, or dildos, as they are so lumpishly called today, and the Athenian women were the target market. The common treat for the erotic and acquiescent was either a wooden or padded leather penile substitute, sold separately was the olive oil lubricant to wield one of those bad boys.
quote of the day
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
In Search of Sex Ed
I was fortunate enough to be in middle school when the western world was focused on AIDS and HIV. Ryan White had passed away a couple of years before and now MTV, musicians, designers and actors were making sure they used their voice to let us know the reality of sex and sexually transmitted disease. Remember Salt 'n' Peppa sing the alternative song to "let's talk about sex", "let's talk about AIDS"? Madonna and George Michael were walking ads for sex but they also supported STD awareness.
That message ceased and a new generation of fame and angst hit the spotlight. Brittney shows her Mons pubis, Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan are tag teaming some off shoot of the backstreet boys and between rehabs these new stars exchange partners, fluids and diet tips all for page 6 to record and give to the ever hungry American public.
That isn't really the problem, more just a sign of the times...if you're under 35, rich and famous. What I am more perplexed about it is why we are selling sex in everything and showing sex so flippantly in everything and not educating people at the same time?
OK sex sells and is used ad nauseam, we get it. So why then did the government want an abstinence only sex ed program?
If teens are the largest consumer demographic, largest television and web followers and host to surging hormones don't ya think we ought to give 'em some kind of information? I mean accurate, clinical, sex education? maybe something that goes deeper than just the content of semen or the various forms of contraceptive. How about a foray into what can happen to you emotionally when you have sex? the chemicals released in your brain? The different types of hormones that make you fall in love? the psychological pitfalls of feeling pressured to have sex or having it when you don't really want to but do anyway because you don't know how to say no, which almost ALL of my female friends as well as myself experienced in high school or college.
I have two friends with full blown AIDS, one with HIV, dozens with herpes and I have been a part of a few sex talk groups where I have seen countless women, young women and men talk about the emotional "i though it was just me" aspect of sexual trauma or confusion.
I think a sexually free world is awesome but you cannot have true freedom until you have been educated. Haven't you heard knowledge is power?
With Barack Obama coming into office in January and this summers revelation that HIV and AIDS cases were grossly underestimated, we should be looking at a more extensive plan for sex and STD education. In the meantime let's hope that these kids start finding the sexuality section at the bookstore half as interesting as they found Paris Hilton's sex tape.
That message ceased and a new generation of fame and angst hit the spotlight. Brittney shows her Mons pubis, Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan are tag teaming some off shoot of the backstreet boys and between rehabs these new stars exchange partners, fluids and diet tips all for page 6 to record and give to the ever hungry American public.
That isn't really the problem, more just a sign of the times...if you're under 35, rich and famous. What I am more perplexed about it is why we are selling sex in everything and showing sex so flippantly in everything and not educating people at the same time?
OK sex sells and is used ad nauseam, we get it. So why then did the government want an abstinence only sex ed program?
If teens are the largest consumer demographic, largest television and web followers and host to surging hormones don't ya think we ought to give 'em some kind of information? I mean accurate, clinical, sex education? maybe something that goes deeper than just the content of semen or the various forms of contraceptive. How about a foray into what can happen to you emotionally when you have sex? the chemicals released in your brain? The different types of hormones that make you fall in love? the psychological pitfalls of feeling pressured to have sex or having it when you don't really want to but do anyway because you don't know how to say no, which almost ALL of my female friends as well as myself experienced in high school or college.
I have two friends with full blown AIDS, one with HIV, dozens with herpes and I have been a part of a few sex talk groups where I have seen countless women, young women and men talk about the emotional "i though it was just me" aspect of sexual trauma or confusion.
I think a sexually free world is awesome but you cannot have true freedom until you have been educated. Haven't you heard knowledge is power?
With Barack Obama coming into office in January and this summers revelation that HIV and AIDS cases were grossly underestimated, we should be looking at a more extensive plan for sex and STD education. In the meantime let's hope that these kids start finding the sexuality section at the bookstore half as interesting as they found Paris Hilton's sex tape.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Venus of Willendorf; Humankinds first sex toy?
For years archaeologists and anthropologists have claimed that the Venus of Willendorf, a 4 inch, limestone figurine of a VERY buxom and disproportionate female, was a symbol of fertility. It would make sense wouldn't it? I mean women have the babies and lactate and menstruate; they worked in the fields and gathered as the men hunted. Of course.
But that makes sense to us, a, for the most part, educated people who have been around the evolutionary block. Two flaws in the fertility theory exist.
One is that Paleolithic people did not necessarily want human fertility. As a matter of fact they frequently engaged in infanticide, killing, what is estimated to be, more than 50% of all female babies. The plight for scavaging and hunting enough food was difficult enough as it was without worrying about a nursing mother who required more calories and another mouth to feed.
If anything the only fertility they would want would be that of the animals, and I have yet to study figurines of pregnant cattle.
Two is that there are cave drawings that depict men in hunting scenes, they sometimes are shown wearing hides or animal skins yet are represented by phallic symbols.
It is thought that there was no connection at this time to the male's role in procreation and it is for those reasons that there is doubt our 4 inch figure was Miss Fertility 24,000BCE. If the phallys was a show at sexual identification and probable sexual athleticism then the exaggerated mons pubis, buttock and breats, not to mention belly could just as well have been a sexual identification of the female.
The fact that there are over 60 travel sized, possible sex objects allows into question the use of Venus as a sex toy or early porn. Perhaps, centuries from now, the new race of humans will come to find an intact top 10 magazine and proclaim that dripping semen on a womans chest was a ceremonial act to induce fertility.
But that makes sense to us, a, for the most part, educated people who have been around the evolutionary block. Two flaws in the fertility theory exist.
One is that Paleolithic people did not necessarily want human fertility. As a matter of fact they frequently engaged in infanticide, killing, what is estimated to be, more than 50% of all female babies. The plight for scavaging and hunting enough food was difficult enough as it was without worrying about a nursing mother who required more calories and another mouth to feed.
If anything the only fertility they would want would be that of the animals, and I have yet to study figurines of pregnant cattle.
Two is that there are cave drawings that depict men in hunting scenes, they sometimes are shown wearing hides or animal skins yet are represented by phallic symbols.
It is thought that there was no connection at this time to the male's role in procreation and it is for those reasons that there is doubt our 4 inch figure was Miss Fertility 24,000BCE. If the phallys was a show at sexual identification and probable sexual athleticism then the exaggerated mons pubis, buttock and breats, not to mention belly could just as well have been a sexual identification of the female.
The fact that there are over 60 travel sized, possible sex objects allows into question the use of Venus as a sex toy or early porn. Perhaps, centuries from now, the new race of humans will come to find an intact top 10 magazine and proclaim that dripping semen on a womans chest was a ceremonial act to induce fertility.
passage of the day
"We do not stick to the same sexual diet all the way through our lives! This may be due to our emotional circumstances (all our desires may be channeled through one person) but also to those times we take stock of ourselves,thanks to changes that may have intervened in aspects of our lives not necessarily connected with love (moving, illness, a new professional or intellectual environment), when we find ourselves off the track we were following."
from 'The sexual life of Catherine M.' by Catherine Millet
from 'The sexual life of Catherine M.' by Catherine Millet
Deepak on sex
An interview with Deepak Chopra on the spiritual connection of creativity, passion, insight and sexuality.
a minute of your time, a days worth of reflection
http://www.lime.com/balance/video/3918/deepak_chopra_on_sex_and_spirituality
a minute of your time, a days worth of reflection
http://www.lime.com/balance/video/3918/deepak_chopra_on_sex_and_spirituality
Why wouldn't I be into sex?
sex, the act itself can be wonderful, amazing and transcendant. Sex the topic is always fascinating.
Sex and sexual behavior has started wars, spawned cultures, spawned controversy, been a tool to assert control, been a tool to lose control, been repressed, been exaulted, been repressed again, enforced gender roles, blurred gender roles, influenced art, influenced laws, influenced religion, been a way to connect to the divine, been a way to sin against God, started families, destroyed families, been a supreme act of violence and control, been a supreme act of love and connection, been an act one might hardly recall; but it involved 4 shots, 5 beers and 1 bathroom in a bar.
How is that anything but interesting?
Sex and sexual behavior has started wars, spawned cultures, spawned controversy, been a tool to assert control, been a tool to lose control, been repressed, been exaulted, been repressed again, enforced gender roles, blurred gender roles, influenced art, influenced laws, influenced religion, been a way to connect to the divine, been a way to sin against God, started families, destroyed families, been a supreme act of violence and control, been a supreme act of love and connection, been an act one might hardly recall; but it involved 4 shots, 5 beers and 1 bathroom in a bar.
How is that anything but interesting?
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